Soldiers of Fortune
Reviewed by Gruinard
The UK version of this 1993 flop is called The Chaos Engine, it
would behoove you to stay away from both. The story for this cart
revolves around some fictional madman from the last century, Baron
Fortesque, and his invention, the chaos engine. It distorts the fabric
of space and time, laying waste to the countryside and warping
mild-mannered human beings into blood-craven beasts. The only
group capable of destroying this evil machine and restoring order
to the planet is our group of fun-loving mercenaries, the Soldiers
of Fortune.
Six mercenaries are available with wildy imaginative names such
as "Gentleman", "Scientist", "Thug", and "Mercenary". Each has a
normal gun and a special weapon and as levels are passed and money
gained, you may 'customize' your soldier with upgrades to his health,
weapons, aim, etc. Two mercenaries take on Baron Fortesque
simultaneously and player one may select whether his partner is
controlled by the CPU or another human player. Thankfully, there is
also a password feature allowing you to return to your game at a
later time.
Graphics: 4 out of 10
Unfortunately, this overhead-view, adventure shooter fails to deliver
in the graphics department. The programmers for this game, the Bitmap
Brothers, must be colorblind, 87-year old retards. I was stoked by
the opening scene and even the adequate mercenary selection screens,
yet once the game began in earnest, it consistently delivered round after
round of graphics disappointment. The creatures and mercenaries seemed
to have been drawn for the old 8-bit NES! Even the terrain through which
the mercenaries run is almost deadpan monochromatic and full of repeated
patterns. Blocky and without any color palette to speak of, I still find it
hard to believe Nintendo allowed this cart to be graced with its seal of
approval. It reminds me of a bad interpretation of the now-ancient Ikari
Warriors or Commando seen on the NES.
Music and Sound: 7.5 out of 10
The music is the ONE and ONLY saving grace of this game. As much as I
despise this cart, I am forced to admit I actually enjoy the tunes. It has
a hard and fast techno beat to it which made me expect a frenetic battle.
I even like the occasional, crisp & distinctive digitized voices alerting
me to power-ups. Neither became distracting or annoying as I struggled
against the enemy forces. Then again, my mind might simply have been
trying to cope... The sound effects themselves seem to be lacking as well.
There are very few to speak of and merely resemble simple 'blings' or 'zaps',
with nothing suggestive of firearm usage or enemy deaths. I suspect the
Bitmap Brothers & Spectrum Holobyte put all their effort into the music;
leaving graphics, game play, and sound fx to flounder.
Game Challenge: 10 out of 10
Soldiers of Fortune is so lame that I dare you to actually play through
the first two levels. Such insipid design and programming make this cart
a fantastic challenge to one's patience and endurance. It is seemingly
geared to make you quit or destroy the cart itself. Through a devious
blend of poor graphics and game play, the difficulty of this cart begins to
approach biblical proportions. Additionally, there is no options screen to
allow the user to adjust the difficulty. The enemies simply blunder
towards you and sometimes shoot at you. There is little actual challenge
or variation to their attacks and it all seems rather dull after 5-10 minutes.
Game-Play, Fun
This game is not fun. The game play is also horrible, which is a shame.
One of the reasons people still play SNES games is that they tend to
have such great game play and all around fun...even if they have
comparatively poor graphics when put next to the Dreamcast, N64, or
Playstation 2. The mercenaries and enemies move around in a jerky,
dissatisfactory manner. It is as if you were trying to move around in
maple syrup while a dozen spastic seagulls dance towards you. I'm not
a game expert, but I think this might have something to do with poor or
low framerate.
Replayability
After playing Soldiers of Fortune for less than 10 minutes, you will
never want to play it again. I do not play this game. I've owned it for
nearly a year and a half, and except for when I first got it, I only put
it into my SNES in order to do this review. Yes, it is just that bad.
Game Value
With hindsight, I wouldn't accept this game even if it were being
given away. I payed less than $7 for it on eBay and still feel I was
ripped off. I cannot imagine what dark thoughts were going through
the minds of anybody who actually purchased this game when it came
out at a price between $40-60. Of the 42 SNES carts I own of varying
quality, this is the ONLY one I have considered disassembling to
examine and experiment upon the parts and circuitry with the assumption
that if it were to be accidentally destroyed or damaged during the
process that it would be no loss whatsoever. Soldiers of Fortune is worthless.
Overall: 2 out of 10
Overall, despite having good music and digitized voices, this game's
consistently poor graphics, game play, and sound effects have earned it
a place in the SNES Hall of Shame. If you enjoy eating broken glass or
dropping cinder blocks on your face, then you will love this cart.
Otherwise, do not purchase this game.