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Reviewed by Magic Emperor Ghaleon For the love of god what is this? FCI has produced many games (Heroes of the Lance to name one), some of which were at least bearable. Unfortunately...or fortunately, whichever way you want to look at it, they also have the...uhm...honor? of having made the absolute worst video game ever to...uhm...grace? the video game market. I am talking, of course, about Hydlide! The people who worked on the mechanics of this game must have been as stoned as stoned can be. Nobody in a rational state of mind, and I mean nobody, could come up with something this bad, even if they were on a quest to do just that. I just don't see what was so good about this game, and nor am I the only one who holds this belief. The gameplay is boring, the control is just plain horrible and the story is absolute crap. The music...well...I'll go into more excruciating detail when I get to that.

Music and Sound: 1 out of 10

What the hell is this!? We have four or five main songs. The password screen theme (yes it uses a password system), sounds like Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cindy Lauper. The main theme is nothing more than a horribly mutilated version of the classic Indiana Jones theme song which loops every fifteen the most. Then there's the little song for the ending. It's just another Indiana Jones theme ripoff. Oh yeah, and the forth song is just a much faster version of the main theme (this is saying something). The theme for the one boss fight in the game isn't much better. All these songs loop every fifteen seconds or so. The theme for when our unfortunate hero dies is far too cheery...unless we're supposed to be happy. Given the abominable control and music I'd be pretty happy. The sounds, what few there are (there are four), are the absolute worst of the NES. They sound like they'd be fitting in a game where your goal was to take a dump. Sorry, but that's the first thing that always comes to my mind when I hear these sounds.

Game Challenge: 10 out of 10

It's all in the dumb controls. The controls makes this game hard to play due to its frustratingness.

Game Play-Fun: 1 out of 10

First,let's talk about actual gameplay. You run around and kill stuff with your magic sword, getting nothing in return except a rare and usually lame level-up. It might be bearable if not for the fact that whether you're in a bright field or a dark and dreary cavern, the same bouncy music plays over and over again with no relief. Please, no more! Now to talk about that aspect of this game which is second only to the music in the area of annoyingness. The control, if that's what you want to call it, is absolutely abominable. The instruction manual says that if you hold down A you're in Attack mode, while if you don't you're in Defend mode. Then if you press B you cycle through magic. Hold B down to select magic and then press A to use it...I think. You do all your worthwhile damage in Attack mode, and you take major damage if you get hit while you're in Attack mode. Also, you can't just swing your sword once. You have to hold down the button and charge blindly into your foes when they're moving away from you. This is hard to do, and more often than not, it results in your untimely death and another playing of that horrible death theme. That's about all that can be said for control, except that the menu screen really stinks.

Replayability: 1 out of 10

Replay? This game? You got to be kidding!

Game Value: 1 out of 10

Stay away, dear friends. Do not subject thyself to such torture!

Story: 1 out of 10

So the kingdom of Fairyland (the fairy kingdom is called Tir Na Nog, thank you), has lived in peace because three gems are sealed away in some castle or other. One day some evil dude came and stole one of the gems (should of had tighter security, eh?). This released an evil demon dude who could not decide whether his name was Boralis or Varalys. This demon dude stole the other gems and kidnapped princess Ann (so what else is new). But wait! There's more! The demon dude wasn't satisfied. He turned the princess chick into three fairies (boy this is lame). With her last bit of strength she called on the only person who could save her sorry ass, Sir Jim of the Disfunctional Sword. Yep, you guessed it. Find the gems, find the fairies and kick the demon's ass, or die in the attempt.

Overall: 1 out of 10

Stay away! This is the absolute worst game ever to hit video game stores anywhere! Even Sony Playstation's Final Fantasy 8 had more potential than this piece of trash!

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